Sense of Humor

It’s really a good thing I have one…actually, it’s why Hubby and I get along so well.  He’s a smart ass (sorry honey but you are) and I give it right back.

 

Last weekend he went out with a couple of guys and they had apparently “held in” their partying for too long and they REALLY let loose.  Before he left, he picked up his wedding ring, looked at it, and then put it on.  He said “The hookers won’t mind if I’m married…”  I told him to keep the lap dances to a minimum. 

 

Tonight he went with his softball buddies to BW3 to do their draft for fantasy football…and I just called him b/c I want snacks.  He said they were going to the strip club and I told him that was fine, as long as he picked up beer and chocolate on the way home.  😉 

 

When I found out I was pregnant with Avery, Hubby had been living 9 hours away for 5 or 6 weeks.  (Turns out I was almost 8 weeks along) He kept telling everyone that it was the mailman’s baby.  Now mind you, our mail carrier was African American and about 80 years old.  I got sick of him saying that…so one night while out to dinner with some friends he said it again.  I turned to him and said “But honey I ONLY slept with him that ONE time” – and I never heard him say it again.  I got him good.  HA! 

 

These are usually how our converstaions go…and it is a damn good thing I am not a jealous wife and I have an excellent sense of humor.

 

Breaks my heart…

I just saw on the evening news that police have confirmed that Caylee Anthony is dead.  I guess they were able to determine that the yuck in the trunk of her mother’s car was from this little girl’s decomposing body.

 

I hope she rots in hell.

You’re going DOWN, f*&^%er

I am a animal lover.  Really I am, so please read this post with a grain of salt, k?

 

Woody Fucking Woodpecker…YOU ARE GOING DOWN!!!!  Do you hear me?  Yeah?  Because I hear you ALL THE EFFING TIME – and I don’t appreciate you using my beautiful cedar siding as your afternoon (or morning, or evening) snack.  Got that straight?  And I’ll open up a double can of whoop ass on you for keeping my precious daughter awake at night. 

 

By now you have probably guessed it – we have a resident woodpecker.  A couple weeks ago Avery kept telling me that someone was at the front door, knocking.  I dismissed it as part of her colorful imagination.  Then the next afternoon, as I am standing in my bedroom, I hear knocking outside my window.  Since my room is on the 2nd story, I was curious.  Someone must really want my attention….

 

Avery came into my room at that time and said “Mommy, that’s the knocking I heard.   At night right outside my window”.   No wonder the child can’t sleep – that is RIGHT above her head. 

 

Then it dawned on me – think in the cartoons when all of sudden the lightbulb goes on above the characters head – something is pecking on the house.  Sure enough, I raced down the stairs and out the front door.  Tap tap tapping away was this creature:

 

Now the picture is a little blurry, but you get the idea.  And see the damn holes in the siding????  We did some research and figured we could fill the holes…there aren’t that many.  Easier than replacing the whole board.  That was a project for this weekend.  Then our social calendar filled and we didn’t quite get to it yet.

 

This morning, as we are moving around the house, getting stuff picked up I hear it.  That bastard is back again.  So I run outside to get the house and of course he flies away.  But since we were gone all day yesterday and didn’t get back til after dark, we didn’t notice it.  That FUCKER must have been chomping on that siding ALL DAMN DAY.  Now there are lots of holes, and they are way bigger.  When I caught him this morning wood siding was FLYING out of the holes.

 

Here’s what it looks like now:

 

And the board has to be replaced…but I swear, cross my heart, I will get that bird one way or another.  I ain’t going down without a fight!

 

ETA:  Obviously this bird has made me temporarily insane b/c I went to Walmart.  On Labor Day weekend.  The weekend before school starts.  ‘Nuff said…

The Mall

Not far from where I live, there is a very nice upscale mall.  It used to be the mall I didn’t want to go to as a kid b/c there was no toy store, no running area, no food court.  Then several (maybe 5 or so) years ago, they built another mall across the street and connected it with a skywalk over the road.  The “new” side has some upscale stores but also your garden variety mall stores.

 

Last night I talked hubby into going to the mall with me.  I had a thing for a free pair of undies from VS.  I took Avery and he met us there.  I haven’t been into the mall in FOREVER.  It was wonderful…shoes, makeup, clothes.  I just wandered, I must have looked like a tourist.   We had dinner at California Pizza Kitchen (YUM – and not good for OSB)…

 

Then Hubby had to leave to pick up his sunglasses.  Well, I had to get mine fixed and I dropped them off and Avery and I went walking.  That’s where the *fun* ended…

 

Went to Origins and then spent $2.50 on a cookie from Mrs. Fields (b/c I forgot it was next to Origins).  She rode the escalators well…that’s a plus.  But stopping to look at shoes – NIGHTMARE.  Forever 21 had a really cute shirt that I was looking at – and behind me Avery is in the window undressing the mannequins.   We had to leave – immediately.   Oh, did I mention that everyone at CPK saw my new undies b/c she pulled them out of the bag and held them up?

 

And she was asleep before we got out of the parking lot. 

 

I needed a beer after that trip.

Random thoughts on a Friday

It’s Friday and the start of a long weekend…our time has officially been “booked” and we have something going every day.  I like being busy…

 

But I got nothing more than that – nothing substantial.  So I thought I would just share some randomness for today…hope you don’t mind.

 

When we got married, my BIL had his friend dress like Elvis, b/c we really should have run away to Vegas.

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When I have been scanning pictures recently, they are coming out mirror images of the originals….left to right.  It’s pissing me off b/c I can’t figure out how to fix it.

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I am thinking about getting my hair cut even shorter…

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I would love it if Avery had long hair…but unfortunately she’s got my fine hair and it won’t do a thing.  Bummer…I love ringlets on a little girl.

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My birthday is 2 weeks from tomorrow.  I am going to be 35.  WOW!

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Monday we are going to a parade – the Peach Festival.  I told Avery about all of the “princesses” she will see – local girls on different courts.  She wants to wear her flower girl dress b/c she will look like Cinderella too. 

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Avery starts preschool next week – at her big girl (elementary) school.  She is so freaking excited, I can’t even begin to tell you.

Have a Happy Labor Day weekend!!!!!

Operation Skinny Bitch

Hey ladies!!! I love reading all of the roll calls on Wednesdays.    Success and some not so good results.  Hell, we are all human.  Shit happens.

 

I am starting the search for my BIKINI for October and starting to pick out either 1) my new belly button ring or 2) my new tattoo – which will feature my little girls name. 

 

Shit, if I can get one, I should wear a Tampa Bucs one just like LLL!!!

 

XOXO

Long lost friend…FOUND

If you read the 103 things about me, you will know that I speak (ok, used to speak) German.  While in college, I spent a semester of my junior year in Heidelberg. Germany.  That is absolutely one of the BEST experiences of my life.  There were people from all over the country that studied with this group…and at 20 years old, I can only say it was life altering.

 

After getting back to life in the states, we mostly went our separate ways – although we were inseperable while abroad.  Some of us kept in touch..some didn’t.  I have a friend that I was in contact with for several years after returning but we lost touch.

 

Yesterday she found me on Facebook.  AMAZING!!!!  Now 14 (GASP) years later, we are emailing again.  I mean when we were in Germany there really wasn’t even email, except for the big schools.  That’s how long ago we knew each other.

 

So this post is for you, Maile!  I have missed you, my wonderful friend.  There is nothing like going thousands of miles away from home and finding friends among the chaos.  And we did.  I am sorry that we haven’t talked in a million years….or so it seems.  But now, when we come out to Seattle, I will be able to give you a huge HUG!!!!  And give your sweet sweet boy a big kiss too!

 

And it’s FATE that I was just looking at what little pictures I have from that trip (another REALLY long story about what happened to my film)…and then I hear from you.

 

I scanned a couple of pictures…and for some reason they came out backwards (guess I am not really all that tech savvy)…but you get the idea.  Be sure to scroll past the pictures b/c I have some memories to share…

 Our last drunken night before we all started going home.  My parents were in Germany then, but luckily they opted NOT to join us.  Probably a good thing since I think at some point there was some STREAKING involved.  Think FRANK THE TANK.  And maybe some naked men in a tree…Remember Tom being shirtless in the bar and smoking???

Those are the biggest beers ever…called THE BOOT.  And we were at The Duck – I think that’s the place I met the handsome Irishman – Oren O’Brien. 

 

Here are some things I really remember about the trip:

1) going to every freaking church that Goethe or Schiller visited- only more poignant when they were there together

2) endless nights of crashing at someone else’s place b/c I lived so far away

3) getting $20 and tiptoeing across the railroad tracks to the army base for a whopper and a baskin robbins ice cream

4)  being in Studihaus and seeing “those two americans” walk in – Stacy and Alan – and raiding their backpacks for Doritos

5)  going with said americans to the PX/Commissary and having a feast of pop tarts, mac n cheese and other randon junk food that you don’t think you’ll miss but you do

6)  sitting on the balcony of my dorm and playing “What would you do for a million dollars?” – and there being something about an elephant and a blow job

7)  Making S’mores for Maile’s German roommates and being the HEROs for having something so amazingly delish

8)  Failing the only class I have ever failed in my life – because it was a 5pm class and there was TOO MUCH beer drinking at that time of day to go to class.

9)  Having to say goodbye to the friends you made – the instant friendships when you are in a place unknown

10)  Wienerschnitzel – YUM

 

11)  The sobering walk home – with Bill and his roommate (whose name escapes my mind) b/c the freaking bus only went SO FAR

 

12)  Did I mention the $.75 beers at Studihaus?  Yes, a goverment subsidized bar….

 

I love memories!

 

ETA:  Crap, I forgot to mention the Heidelberg Friendship mix tape, made by Maile.  Again refer to mix tape post from a while back.

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