You’re going DOWN, f*&^%er

I am a animal lover.  Really I am, so please read this post with a grain of salt, k?

 

Woody Fucking Woodpecker…YOU ARE GOING DOWN!!!!  Do you hear me?  Yeah?  Because I hear you ALL THE EFFING TIME – and I don’t appreciate you using my beautiful cedar siding as your afternoon (or morning, or evening) snack.  Got that straight?  And I’ll open up a double can of whoop ass on you for keeping my precious daughter awake at night. 

 

By now you have probably guessed it – we have a resident woodpecker.  A couple weeks ago Avery kept telling me that someone was at the front door, knocking.  I dismissed it as part of her colorful imagination.  Then the next afternoon, as I am standing in my bedroom, I hear knocking outside my window.  Since my room is on the 2nd story, I was curious.  Someone must really want my attention….

 

Avery came into my room at that time and said “Mommy, that’s the knocking I heard.   At night right outside my window”.   No wonder the child can’t sleep – that is RIGHT above her head. 

 

Then it dawned on me – think in the cartoons when all of sudden the lightbulb goes on above the characters head – something is pecking on the house.  Sure enough, I raced down the stairs and out the front door.  Tap tap tapping away was this creature:

 

Now the picture is a little blurry, but you get the idea.  And see the damn holes in the siding????  We did some research and figured we could fill the holes…there aren’t that many.  Easier than replacing the whole board.  That was a project for this weekend.  Then our social calendar filled and we didn’t quite get to it yet.

 

This morning, as we are moving around the house, getting stuff picked up I hear it.  That bastard is back again.  So I run outside to get the house and of course he flies away.  But since we were gone all day yesterday and didn’t get back til after dark, we didn’t notice it.  That FUCKER must have been chomping on that siding ALL DAMN DAY.  Now there are lots of holes, and they are way bigger.  When I caught him this morning wood siding was FLYING out of the holes.

 

Here’s what it looks like now:

 

And the board has to be replaced…but I swear, cross my heart, I will get that bird one way or another.  I ain’t going down without a fight!

 

ETA:  Obviously this bird has made me temporarily insane b/c I went to Walmart.  On Labor Day weekend.  The weekend before school starts.  ‘Nuff said…

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5 thoughts on “You’re going DOWN, f*&^%er

  1. lifeonthetailofacomet says:

    we have woodpecker but it works on our half dead tree hurricane FRANCES brought half down. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING YOU CAN DO that doesn’t involve a beebee pistol or rifle. I certainly can understand your frustration!

  2. Linda says:

    How annoying! Isn’t Jason a bird hunter? Problem solved!!
    Or is there anything you can spray on the wood that would keep him away? Like bitter apple that stops dogs from chewing.

  3. Lesley says:

    You need to do an operation sniper mission for your husband! Yes it might be sad but better to safe your house then have the bastard chew it all up! Boy am I mean spirited today. I hear you also on the going shopping. I too did the same thing from 9:30am until 9:00 at night on Saturday. Never again!

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