TGIF – seriously

Hubby is home from the Big Apple.  Avery was SO.FREAKING.EXCITED to see him this afternoon.

They got all of her stuff for soccer too.

It’s 80+ outside and will stay that way ALL.FREAKING.WEEKEND.  Whoo fucking hoo!!!!

Flip flops and tank tops cometh.  (Just don’t look at my pastey, winter white legs and the untoned-ness of my arms, k?)  I don’t care.  You shouldn’t either!

Happy Weekend!

He’s Got Selective Hearing

Upon seeing the title of this post, you probably thought I was talking about Hubby, right?  I hear people complain about their husbands and their “selective hearing” when it comes to Honey-Do lists and whatnot.  But he isn’t the culprit.

It’s our dog.  Bear.  

Tell him to get off the sofa.  He acts like he doesn’t hear you.

Tell him to stop trying to hump Montana (it’s the steroids, folks, I had him fixed years ago after an embarrassing trip to a dog park in Dallas…but that’s another story).  He looks in the other direction.  Kinda like “Maybe I heard something but I’m losing my hearing so I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing”… He also doesn’t hear her growling – a signal that says she’s not in the mood and to back to fuck off or she’ll bite him.  (Hey Bear – you might want to listen to her…)

Ask him to come inside from basking in the sun when you are running late to get somewhere.  “Huh, what’d you say?  You weren’t talking to me, were you?  I think I’ll just turn over and get the other side.”

BUT.  BUT. BUT.

Sleathly open a Kraft Single two rooms over from where he is sleeping – he comes a runnin’.

Damn Dog.  He’s playing this old age act to the hilt.  I’m on to him.

If only…

It was warm today – then the pouring rain would be bearable.  But instead it’s cold on top of the dreariness.

The asskicking that my stomach is getting from the inside would lead to magically transformed abs by the time I leave the hospital. 

I hadn’t forgotten 1 key ingredient in my dinner preparations…then I wouldn’t have to run out in this miserable weather.

My tolerence for whining was higher.

Avery hadn’t demanded breakfast at 6:30 this morning, have me get out of bed, and then decide she wasn’t hungry after all.   I might not be so tired today.

As you can tell…I’m in a great mood today.  Tired, aching and grouchy.  NOT a good combination.

Maybe something FABULOUS will happen to make it all better.  Is Publishers Clearinghouse reading my blog?  My address is……

She got skillz

Last night, after dinner, we put on our winter parkas (just kidding…) and went up to the Deluxe Dairy for an ice cream cone.  We did this frequently last summer, as Avery loves her cones dipped in blue rolled in sprinkles.

It was pretty much a given that every time we went, she’d be a drippy, ice-cream covered MESS by the time we left.  I started getting small cones b/c I spent so much time licking hers…it was like eating two cones.

I expected pretty much the same this year…so I got a small cone.  And a kiddie cone for her.  Apparently the blue dip isn’t “big girl” enough so she skipped it.  Or she’s watching her girlish figure.  I don’t know.  But she went with sprinkles only.

We sat on a bench, shivering (ok the temp did drop down from sunburn heat – check out the burned boobie in yesterday’s post – to early spring evening temps – for y’all in the South – that means we couldn’t quite see our breath!).  We’re chatting away, having a great time people watching, when I look over at her, expecting the mess.  Oh no – somehow over the winter, she learned to LICK around her cone.  She must have been practicing in secret.  She ate her whole damn cone without one drip.  She only let me lick around it once, right before we got in the car.   

I was amazed – the girls got skillz.  Big girl skillz.  And I wish I would have gotten a bigger cone.

Tag, Ya Got Me!

I disappear off the face of the earth and then come back with 3 posts in one day!

I was tagged over on Hair Bows & Guitar Picks.   Have a laugh on my behalf, my readers (if there are any of you left following my hiatus…)

Here are the rules….cause everything has rules ya know.

1) Take a pictures of your self RIGHT NOW!

2) Do not edit the picture in any way!

3) Up load it to your blog!

4) Tag as little or as many people as you want!

5) HAVE FUN !

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And just so you know…here is another shot…in the mirror.  Check out the sunburn, folks.  My boobs are so freaking huge that the sun honed in on them, and burnt them to a crisp.  Yeah, it was sunny but it wasn’t that warm.  Damn.

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Belly shots are coming…the bump has grown.  I don’t know how it’s going to continue to grow.  I’m running out of room.