An Editorial…

Good afternoon, readers (those of you that are left).  I’d like to take a moment of your time today (my birthday) to provide you with an editorial about giving advice to mothers of young children.  Please note that the opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of the station, its employees or viewers. 

Uh hmmmm…..

As you all may (or not) know, I am the mother of a very energetic 4 year old and a 2 month old.  My days can be stressful…running a household, chauffer, social director, cook, chief bottle washer and laundry maiden.  Believe it or not, I don’t sit around eating bonbons watching soaps all day.  (If anyone has an update on the Young and The Restless…fill me in.)  It is difficult to get things done sometimes.  Shit happens.  So is life.

This editorial goes out to all of the old ladies I keep running into at:

The Mall

The Grocery Store

Seems these are hangouts for lonely blue-haired babes with nothing but time on their hands who are willing to dole out advice at the worst possible second in MY day. 

Example #1:

Standing at the checkout of the grocery store a few weeks ago…picture it.  Avery is not with me.  It’s a solo mission for Carson and I.  I tempted fate. I admit it.  There was a decision to be made…can I make it through the grocery store before he throws a fit and needs to eat?  YES!  I am up for the challenge. 

I failed. 

In the self checkout, he starts wailing.  At.the.top.of.his.lungs.  Now granted, he is cute beyond all belief but a screaming baby and a stressed out mom are not a pretty picture.  So imagine the young old lady who comes up to me and asks what city I live in?  Are you in Royal Oak?  Um, no, why?  Because it’s obvious you need help and I can watch your baby while shop.  NO FUCKING THANK YOU!  And take your hands off my baby, please.

Today, while Avery was at the first day of school. I ran to JC Penney to return some stuff.  (Don’t worry honey, I didn’t return the stuff to Victoria’s Secret)  It’s 80 degrees outside and he is in a romper and covered in a blanket.  He’s in the carrier…sound asleep.  Sleeping babies are GOOD!  Especially when Mommy is trying to get too much done in a 3 hour window.  As I returning my outfit I hear from behind me (this is NO JOKE)…

“Oh honey, you need socks and shoes.  Can’t your mommy afford to buy you some????”

Picture my head whipping around and the stink eye that was poised and ready to go.  Here stands a little old lady, looking at Carson’s little toes peeking out from under the blanket.  Her hand on the handle of the stroller.  First thought – BACK OFF BITCH!  Second thought and what comes out of my mouth – “Of course Mommy can afford socks for you buddy.  BUT the fact that you kick them off as soon as I put them on, has taught me to just leave your feet bare.  And I covered them with a blanket – but b/c  you are such a happy and well-loved and cared for baby, you kick your legs a lot – knocking your blanket off.”

I am a capable mother.  And I swear when my hair is gray (blue) I will NOT give advice that is unsolicited.  You have it here in writing.  Here’s the biggest news flash – I DON’T NEED YOUR FUCKING ADVICE.  

To date I haven’t broken the first one (well…except for her thumb) and have yet to damage the second.  BACK OFF!

Did I mention it’s my birthday?

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. shannie
    Sep 14, 2009 @ 15:56:23

    Happy birthday, again, my sweet friend! Love you.

    Yes, tell those ole bitties to shut.the.hell.up. You should have said, “Buddy, when it’s cold outside I’ll put some socks on you. It’s EIGHTY.” LOL! Or just a simple, “Thanks for your advice, but we’re not old and cold all the time.”

    Reply

  2. cristin
    Sep 14, 2009 @ 19:23:27

    damn!

    Well, Happy Birthday to you.

    Dottie had bare feet til she was two…No shoes, socks, booties, nothing would stay on her feet…. and guess what?? she’s still alive! And has TWO FEET!!

    People are ass holes.

    Reply

  3. Jackie
    Sep 14, 2009 @ 19:56:17

    That’s hilarious. Why would a baby need socks and shoes in 80 degree weather?!

    Happy Birthday again! You’re going to need another drink tonight, huh? 🙂

    Reply

  4. Tatiana
    Sep 14, 2009 @ 20:27:07

    What the fuck? “Can’t your mommy afford”? Something is really, really wrong with people if they think that’s even remotely appropriate.

    Reply

  5. Life Love and Lola
    Sep 15, 2009 @ 09:58:14

    Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!

    Tell those bitches to drink a cup of SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

    Reply

  6. Michelle B
    Sep 21, 2009 @ 15:48:36

    OK…you didn’t tell me about the JCP incident…too funny. LOVE your comeback!

    Reply

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