That’s my stripper name. I googled it. Although for those of you that know me IRL – if you google my name, there is a very famous porn star with the same name…and I assure you, it isn’t me. (Those tapes have long been destroyed – HA!)
Are you wondering why I am looking for my stripper name? It’s quite simple really. In a few weeks I will be attending a party at a pole dancing studio. Yes, you did indeed read that right. And if I am successful, I am considering a career change. Although if I don’t lose this weight beforehand you’ll see me doing nooners during the “Business Man’s Buffet – All you can eat for $1.99” rather than working in some swanky club – is there such a thing – and earning millions to take care of my kids so they’ll never have to worry about money.
Whew. Ok, it’s just a one time class. And it looks to be a huge amount of fun. Hubby’s jaw about hit the floor when I told him that I was going. And then he asked the question only a man could think of…
“Will there be a recital for this dance class?”
Install a pole in the basement and we’ll see…
No, I am not pregnant. Not with twins, not even with one. Thank goodness. So not ready for that right now.
But on a daily basis I am amazed by how much Avery and Carson look alike. I love the fact that they look like brother and sister. (Sorry Avery, I meant to say sister and brother – I know you are older and came first…) I am an only child, and adopted to boot, so I have no idea if I look like anyone or where my traits came from. So to see them side by side warms my heart.
Here are pictures of them…about the same age. You can tell which is which by the clothes…unless you are an old lady at the grocery story who loves my little girl dressed head to toe in football themed brown/blue apparel.
Carson isn’t quite as cooperative with the camera as Avery was at this age. He loves his bouncer so he is permanently at this awkward angle.
And I took this one too…love it!
I’m trying to decide what to do with my hair. I had the cute Katie Holmes style, but I am growing it out. I want it long – ponytail long – again. The problem is my bangs. I haven’t had a haircut since the beginning of July. And at this point, they aren’t long enough to be “side swept” but they are too long to wear down. Do I trim them? Or suffer until they are long enough, knowing that I currently look like Cousin It?
The gym is a great place to people watch. Especially at my gym where it’s the Senior Citizens Social Club. Yesterday morning I observed a woman walking around in short shorts and a mesh sports bra. At least I am assuming it was mesh. I saw it from the backside and most of it was covered by her backfat rolls. Please, please put a shirt on, lady. You aren’t going to be picking up any balding hotties in that get up.
I have finally decided to go clothes shopping. I have put it off for awhile. But I can no longer keep the maternity pants up. Which is a good thing, HOWEVER…I hate the size I have to buy. I could squeeze into a smaller size but a muffin top and camel toe are not the looks I am going for. So, I will resort to buying what fits. Not what I WANT to fit. *Sigh*
Carson is going for his 3 month check up today. Hubby and I placed bets (no money will change hands…) on how much he weighs. I am putting it in writing:
ME: 12 pounds 14 oz HUBBY: 13 pounds 2 oz
I’ll let you know who is closer. And he has to get a shot today (Carson, not Hubby) so I figured I would drag Avery along and get her a flu shot. She was supposed to go yesterday. Then I had a brillant IDEA to schedule them at the same time. What the fuck was I thinking? Taking BOTH kids to get shots at the same time. Sometimes I really am a dumbass mother who is short on time and is saving herself the extra trip to the doctor’s office.
This morning a SMART bus pulled right out in front of me. I mean SMACK DAB in front of me. Apparently the bus company is SMART enough to give anyone a job.
I love to sing. Loudly. In the car. In the house. I suck. Can’t carry a tune to save my life. But I sound like the winner of American Idol in my head. That’s all that matters, right?
Happy Hump Day all!
For months now, well – 3 since I had Carson – people have been telling me how good I look.
I joined Weight Watchers at 6 weeks postpartum. And didn’t take it seriously. I lost some weight but only made a miniscule dent in the 40 pounds I want to lose.
I went to the gym a few times, but once every 2-3 weeks really doesn’t do much for the back fat and the thighs that rub together. I can’t take Carson to the play land. Ballys pisses me off b/c kids have to be 12 months old and walking. Well, does that mean moms have to stay fat until their kids can walk???? All of the other gyms around here take infants. But at $10 a month vs. a new membership at $100+ per month, I’ve figured it out. Go before the kids are out of bed.
I bought a new pair of jeans and a cool shirt for my birthday party. Non maternity for the first time in…well…since December. Then I looked at pictures from my party. One picture in particular of my backside. Pictures don’t lie. Well, unless you have photoshop. Which I don’t. Unfortunately.
Finally on Sunday, I took a good hard long look in the mirror. And decided to get my fat ass in gear and lose this baby weight. I am motivated. I am dedicated. I finally WANT it off.
My shuffle is loaded with awesome tunes, my beer drinking is limited to weekends only (Hello Miller Lite), and I’ve been rolling out of bed at the ass crack of dawn to get to the gym and sweat to Anderson Cooper (man he’s hot). Granted it’s only been two days but I feel good. Scrap that – I feel GREAT!
It will take some time – I am hoping to feel more like my old self by Thanksgiving and be back to my pre Carson weight by Christmas. (That’s if I can stay away from the Gingerbread Lattes at Starbucks. I swear they come out earlier and earlier each year…)
So it’s time to stick some fresh batteries in the scale, find some new sports bras, and get it done. As Avery would say when I tell her to be behave (and as she just reminded me again) – Santa is watching.
Guess I have to stick to it…don’t want to upset the jolly fat man. Ironic, isn’t it?
It was exciting news in our house…
A few months back (I thought I blogged about it, but I guess I didn’t…oh well) Avery cracked one of her famous one-liners. And now it’s out there for the whole world (sorta) to see!
Encouraged by some of my friends, I submitted the story to Parents Magazine. Never in a million years did I think anything of it. And to be honest, I totally forgot about it (baby brain and all). If you get Parents Magazine or in the month of November you happen to be hanging out in the magazine section of Barnes and Noble or Borders, check out the Baby Bloopers on the last page of the November issue (it’s just coming out now). There she is in black and white. In all of her glory.
Should I tell you all the story? Or keep you in suspense?
What the hell….here’s the short version:
Hubby wore jeans to work one day and called me in the AM – panicked – because he had a last minute client meeting. He asked me to bring him a suit and accessories. So I gathered everything up, and told Avery we had to take something to Daddy at work. She looked at me, looked at the hanger, and said “Did Daddy forget to wear pants today?”
And there you have it. The thought process of a 4 year old.
Love it. Love her. Can’t wait to get my copy of the magazine.
Why I haven’t been blogging…I’ve been busy with….