I have had a monstrous string of shitty things happen to me in the recent weeks.
A couple of weeks ago, my semi-new (2006) car died on me. Simply started stalling. In the middle of traffic. While I have two children in the backseat. I managed to get it started and could putter home. Turns out a computer device was broken and I didn’t have to pay for it. But still, I was without a car for a day. (Thank goodness for fathers-in-law who are retired who follow you to the dealership and good friends – Michelle – who take your daughter to dance class at last minute notice.)
The next day, I get my car back. Come home to do more laundry and find that our sewer has backed up into the basement. ALL.FUCKING.OVER. Stuff was soaked. $260 later the Roto-Rooter man was skipping down the walk with my check in hand and I had a mess to clean up. This included all of the sorted, waiting-to-be-washed laundry, all over the basement floor. Yuck. We are good for awhile but it seems we have no storm trap and that will cost us 2500 smackaroonies.
Fast Forward from Thursday to Monday. Flood is cleaned up. Car is working. And my damn washer breaks down. 9 years old. Given me a lot of trouble already. It’s a front loader and it keeps telling me that the door is open, which it’s not. If that were the case, I would be able to open the stupid machine and remove Avery’s *friend* – her constant blanket companion and Carson’s Rabbit – of which the ears are CONSTANTLY in his mouth.
INSERT VISUAL FOR MAXIMUM DRAMATIC EFFECT:
You see, I was washing their beloved lovies when the fucking machine broke. Carson was too young to understand and Avery was a trooper by using her *backup friend* but still.
I panicked, got a service call in, but they could only come on Tuesday. So I called Maytag and begged. Pleaded. Offered my blood to see if there was a way to get the door open. Here’s how it went:
Me: long winded explanation of how the door is stuck closed.
Customer Service: Ok, I will be happy to help you. I need the model and serial number of your unit.
Me: I don’t have that information handy.
CS: Well, it is located inside the door of your unit.
Me (thinking): HEY ASSHOLE, I know you are reading from a script but didn’t you listen to my predicament?
Me (saying): I’m sorry but my door is STUCK shut. I can’t open it to give you that information.
CS: Well, I don’t know how much I can help. But I’ll Try.
Me: Thank you. I just want to know if there is ANY way to get the door open to get out the wet clothes.
CS: (long pause) Well, without the serial number I cannot give you that information.
Me (thinking): COME THE FUCK ON.
Me (saying): Ok, thank you.
On the next afternoon, the very polite man from the repair company comes and looks at my machine. He reaches into the detergent dispenser and pulls a little green cord and the door pops open. It’s a standard feature on all of these particular Maytag models. Why the freakedy freaking freak could that jerk-off on the phone NOT tell me that if it’s standard? So Friend and Rabbit were rescued from the deep dark depths of my washer unscathed. And the wonderful man reset the machine and I was back in business.
Bad things come in threes…
Until today that is. I hope that it was just the bonus round and not the start of another 3. KWIM?
I dropped my iPhone. On our gravel driveway. Facedown. Did I mention that it’s not really pea-sized gravel but sharp-cornered rocks? It cracked. Big time. Last night I took it to the Apple store and they could either:
1. Replace the screen for $199
2. Replace the phone for $199
3. I could go to AT&T and get a new one (where we have a contract eligible for an upgrade) for $199.
How’s that for price fixing? In the end I decided to keep using it til it dies and then get a new one. I really want to get the 3Gs with the video feature. So I will wait. And watch as pieces of my screen fall off.
I just can’t help but wonder…did I happen to break a mirror while standing under a ladder, up which a black cat ran? Nope. That’s just Life in Beverly Hills…