Saturday Afternoon at the Grocery Store

Picture it…no kids.  Freedom.  Quiet time in the car.  A Starbucks in hand.  And where do you think I am headed?  To the grocery store.  On Saturday afternoon.  In the rain.  WTF was I thinking???

Some casual observations:

1)  15 items or less.  Read it.  Heed it.  Own it.  25 of the same item does NOT equal 1 item.  See that LOOOONNNNGGG line over there?  That’s where you belong.

2)  If you are going to use the self-check lane, whether it’s the quickie 15 items of less (see #1) or the no limit line – GET OFF YOUR FUCKING CELL PHONE.  I don’t think there is anything that important that  you can’t hang up, scan your items and call the person back when you are done.  Multitasking is not for everyone so just stick to one thing at a time.

3) Just like on the road, keep your cart to the right of the aisle.  Don’t play chicken with the on-coming carts on the left and DON’T for god sake’s go straight down the middle.  I understand you need things on both sides of the aisle but will stopping your cart and walking 3 paces to the other side to grab that jar of spaghetti sauce really kill you?  Probably not.

4) Next time I go grocery shopping I am going to take a page out of the book of the woman I saw listening to her ipod.  What a brilliant idea.  Tune out the idiots at the store with a few tunes.  I will have to remember that.

5)  The free sample tables are not meant to be lunch for a family of 5.  Do I need to even elaborate on this one?  I don’t think so.

6)  Deli counter – I asked for a 1/2 pound of turkey breast.  Not 3/4 nor the FULL pound you gave me.  Don’t play dumb.  I ordered a 1/2 pound of everything else I got because never in a million years will I eat a whole pound of turkey lunch meat before it goes bad.  The words running through my mind when you handed me the little ziploc bag  and ask “Oh, did you only want a 1/2 pound” was “Did I stutter?”  – Picture it.  Judd Nelson.  Breakfast Club.   Do they teach you that in deli-counter school…it’s all about the upsell?

7) Starbucks in the grocery store – fabulous idea.  I don’t typically drink coffee in the afternoon – it’s a hot/cold thing – but my smooth roast coffee with full fat half and half put me in a zen place before I even started shopping.

Needless to say, I survived.  By the hair on my chinny chin chin.   (No worries, I plucked that hair as soon as I got home)  But don’t expect to see me cruising the grocery store aisles on a Saturday afternoon anytime soon.


7 thoughts on “Saturday Afternoon at the Grocery Store

  1. I love going to the grocery store alone. It so rarely happens……..but when it does, I barely notice all of these annoyances b/c I’m skipping down the aisles singing happy-go-lucky songs b/c I’m in a blissful state of not-pushing-that-heinous-double-seat-car-style-grocery-cart. Not even 2 pounds of turkey could throw me off.

  2. i am so paranoid about the 20 items or less line, i always count my stuff b/c i hate it when people do that!!!

    i love having coffee in a store…

    girl next time you are child free you need to treat yourself to a pedicure instead! 🙂

  3. I’ve been known to listen to my iPod while grocery shopping. It’s great.

    Wish my grocery store had a Starbucks in it. Heck, even a Starbucks close by would be fab! Damn you, small town.

  4. Stopping by from SITS and OMG your post cracked me up! So totally reminded me of just how much I Love grocery shopping! NOT!

    Thank God I go late at night when hardly anyone is there…I know, I’m the person from hell who shows up 15 minutes before the store closes! haha

  5. Michelle says:

    So you mean I’m not supposed to stop at each fruit sample in Kroger and make sure my 3 kids get their fill for lunch????? 😉

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