I have been reading memoirs lately…and I can’t help but feel a little inspired to write one myself. Do I have it in me – to tell my story? The whole honest brutal truth. The good, the bad, the ugly and the even uglier? I think I just might. I have some tales to share…more than just what happens in Beverly Hills…Michigan.
As I was cleaning out the basement, I came across a binder of stories that I wrote for my Vampires and Werewolves class in college. Yes, that was an actual class – before the mega-hit Twlight was even a glimmer in Stephanie Meyer’s mind. Before Edward and Bella, Jacob and his werewolf band of brothers, there was little ole me, listening to the teachings of my German professor about the legends and drafting short stories. And ya know what? Even though they were penned by an amatuer author (myself, of course) they weren’t half bad. Granted they aren’t anything that would make the New York Times Bestseller List…but still I managed to earn some decent grades on them. Maybe what I am trying to say is that I do have the ability to write entertaining stories. And that it might be time to actually put some stuff down on paper.
What do y’all think? Crazy?
Maybe so, but then again maybe not…
Avery got a new camera for her birthday. Well truth be told, she got 3 new cameras….the first was a $45 aqua job from Target. Broken right out of the package. Took it back. Second was a $70 purple number from Target. And that was proof that spending more money doesn’t always equal better quality – and that it doesn’t matter how pretty it is…it can still be a piece of junk. Finally Hubby took her to the store and she came home with a pretty red (color is of course still important) 16 megapixel Nikon Coolpix camera. This bad boy is better than my camera….but I’m not jealous. Too much anyways.
So yesterday I finally hooked her camera up to the computer to download it’s contents. The result was a whole lot of self portraits that I deemed worthy of sharing with you – my reading audience.
Stay tuned for tomorrow’s adventure through the eyes of a 7 year old – a 1st grade field trip to the zoo. Good times. Good times.
Let’s have a brief history lesson, for those of you who aren’t familiar with the tales of Barbie’s life in the village of Beverly Hills.
It began one Christmas years ago with the Barbie Whorehouse….
And the downward spiral continued here….with our very first Ken doll.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did. Love Em and Leave Em Ken is back in town, fresh from a tour around the globe, trying to solidify his title of Man-Whore before returning to the ever faithful Barbie. Yup, Ken is back in town but this time he brought a friend or two. And boy did the man-slut stir up some trouble in our newly minted Barbie Backyard pool. Just take a look for yourself…
Maybe I should have been clearer in my description. Ken didn’t bring along a friend or two – Ken brought a whole orgy with him. Imagine Barbie’s face when he showed up at the
Whorehouse Townhouse, years after his swift departure, with a keg and his posse…Barbie expects him to grovel but what does he do instead? Strips down and goes for a swim.
The aftermath? Check it out…
The upright Barbie does look mighty pleased with herself. Wonder why? Could it be that she has been banging Ken’s best friend all along? Or could it be that she burned the lying, cheating man-whore’s clothes in the front lawn and he has to do the walk of shame in the buff? I guess we will never really know what’s behind that shy smile. But I bet she’s plotting her revenge for the lot of them who came, swam, trashed her pool.
Yesterday afternoon I had an appointment and arrived a bit early…thinking I would take advantage of a few free moments sans little peeps I popped a squat at a picnic table. Enjoying the bright, albeit chilly June sunshine…quietly sitting there reading my book, I got the strange feeling I was being watched. Since I hadn’t seen anyone in the area when I arrived 42 seconds earlier, I brushed it off. But that nagging feeling wouldn’t go away.
Slowly I turned and looked over my right shoulder and JUMP OUT OF MY SKIN.
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!
Standing there, looking at me was this creature…
Slowly, without any sudden movements I stood and turned. And what did I find?
He brought along a friend…
They stood there. Watching me. Eyeing my lunch. (Do predators such as these like Bologna and Swiss sandwiches?) Surveying the contents of my bag. Picture a scene from Jurassic Park, where the little kids are being sized up as a midnight snack by the Veliciraptors. Heads cocked, beady little eyes, feathers all in a ruffle, fangs dripping in anticipation of their next kill. I feared for my life…but not so much so that I didn’t take time out to snap a few photos with my trusty iPhone though. Fight or flight? No fighting for me here. But I bided my time..waited them out. The secret to any good battle – patience and fortitude.
I must not have looked to appetizing as they eventually made they way past me. Slowly. Contemplating their next prey.