A New Year, A New Day

Here it is, January 2nd and the word RESOLUTION has been lurking in the back of my brain….poke poke poking.  The little angel on one shoulder says “This is the year of Dana, the year of change, forward progress” and all of that sentimental BS.  The little devil on the other shoulder is saying “Why bother?  You will just be a failure.  Forget about it.”

And in the end, Good Prevails Over Evil and I have made a list:

1.  I will TRY to keep my car cleaner.  My traveling radius is generally no more than 5 miles from my house, and there is a fast food joint and gas station on every other corner.  Keeping enough crap in my car to sustain a family of four trapped by an avalanche just isn’t necessary.  I have Avery – now a very mature 7 1/2 – to assist.  Carson – a 3 1/2 year old mini Taz – is a lost cause when it comes to picking up after himself.

2. I am going to keep a list of the books I read in 2013.  I have seen goals on other blogs and I think I could do 24 books (2/month) in the upcoming year.  I am ALWAYS open to suggestions for reading.  Particularly mindless trash with extraordinary entertainment value that really doesn’t burn too many brain cells. (I did just go to the library today and load up my bookshelf with all manner of books.  I usually pick them based on their cover art.)

3. In 2013 I am going to be more open to change.  Let’s face it, I pretty much live within my comfort zone 24/7.  I am challenging myself not to fear the unknown (too much anyways)…you never know what might lay right around the corner of that new opportunity.

4.  Gym, diet, weight loss…you know how this one goes so I don’t think I need to expound any further.  Just putting it out there…I actually got to the point this holiday season where I was (shhhhh…wait for it) SICK AND TIRED OF STUFFING MY FACE.  Shocking, I know, right?

5.  I am NOT going to give up drinking coffee.  I love it way too much.  Love the flavor, the aroma as it brews and fills my kitchen.  However maybe it might be a good idea to CUT BACK from my usual pot that I drink each day.  It is, I admit, a bit excessive.  M.O.D.E.R.A.T.I.O.N.

6.  I will do a little more thinking before speaking.

7.  I will practice patience and tolerance.

8.  Last but not least, I am going to attempt to revive Life in Beverly Hills…Michigan.  It might take some work, some stretching of the old funny muscles which have lain dormant for years months, and maybe trying to rally some readers into giving me a chance to entertain them.  (Hey, according to my dash board 11 whole people visited my blog today.  Or maybe it was just my mom coming back 11 times – not really sure.  Although I don’t think she reads this…)

This is a year NOT about fear of failure but the chance to possibly do something AMAZING!

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Why Couldn’t It Have Been Brad Pitt?

You’ve had it happen before.  Even if you don’t want to admit it.

I was driving home from dinner last night.  Listening to a little Pit Bull, dancing in my seat, singing along.  And I stop at a red light.  Out of the corner of my eye, I see the car next to me inching up.  And inching up.  I think “Do I look?”  I know I was making a fool of myself, I did not care.  There is nothing like a rockin’ song on the radio to ward off the frigid temps here in MI.  (That and having the heat cranked up full tilt).  I took a chance.  Looked over.  There he is….Elmer Freaking Fudd….nodding, smiling, winking.  EEEWWWWWW.

All I can picture is National Lampoon’s Vacation….Christie Brinkley and Chevy Chase.  In reverse.  Although I don’t drive a fire engine red Ferrari (or any color Ferrari for that matter-more like a gray Vibe) and I don’t look like Christie Brinkley.   You get the idea through – moderately hot chick, old beer-bellied dude in a station wagon minivan- pointing at the Christmas lights to distract his family as he makes eye contact.  I laughed.  When the light turned, I pulled away gingerly so as to not slip on the ice.  But believe you me, had I been driving a red Ferrari with the top down I’d have peeled out like there’s no tomorrow.

I just can’t help but wondering – in all of the two times this has happened to me – for once can’t it just be Brad Pitt?  “Hey Angie – hey pack of children – look at those lovely lights….” And he turns to me.  Our eyes meet.  He gives the nod.  The light changes color and as he steams up the window and writes his phone number, backwards so I can read it, and I just flip my hair, give a little wave and go racing off.  In my red Ferrari.

A girl can dream, can’t she?

There’s a New DJ In Town

I’ve done a screen read for the Nickelodeon folks.   I’ve practiced my dance moves.

Move on over DJ Lance Rock…

Yo Gabba Gabba is ready for a fresh face…

My *SCREEN* name is yet undecided.  DJ Mommy D?  Maybe.   I’m taking suggestions.  Check your TV listings for times and channels and prepare to be WOWED! It’s going to be OUT OF CONTROL!

 

 

 

Table Topics

I was over visiting The Nuthouse and she has a Table Topic Tuesday that I thought I would ring in on.

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If I were to get a tattoo today, what would it be?

Well…I already have one.  I got it when I was 19 and showing my rebellious side.   I snuck off to a tattoo parlor in a seedy part of Detroit (SORRY MOM – the truth shall set me free) with one of my sorority sisters to get inked.  The first time I tried they were closed.  You’d think I’d change my mind and wimp out.  Nope. I went back the next week and went under the needle.  And what does a young impressionable girl get?  Why what else but a sorority tattoo.  It’s a heart, with ivy growing around it.  It has the greek letters at the end (Alpha Phi) and in the center of the heart, it reads AOE.  If you are a Phi, you know what it means.

It’s tasteful and faded.  I thought about getting it touched up, but then I remember (and cringe) at the pain I felt when it was done.  Small of my back.  No fat there.  Although now there is probably enough padding back there to make it bearable….And Hubby loves to joke that when I am old and wrinkled my tattoo will sag below my ass.  Probably so…these aren’t the kinds of things you think about at 19.  Right?

In recent years I have thought about adding to it…or getting another one.  But Hubby doesn’t really want me to do either.  However IF I did it again the tat would revolve around my children.  I think I would get each of their initials.  And some type of design.  But I don’t know where I would get it.  And now that I have matured (snicker snicker) I would probably think twice about doing it.

So tell me…if you were to get a tattoo right now, what would it be?

Comment here, comment there, comment on your own blog and be sure to link up with The Nuthouse and add your blog to the list.

Art Homework

Avery has a yellow folder that she brings home from school every day.  I make it a point to immediately open it and see what she brought home.  Usually it’s your general assortment of fundraiser fliers and art work that she made that week.   Nothing out of the ordinary.

Until today…

She came home with this cutout.  I turned it over, inspected it.  Pondered.  Finally I had to ask “Hey Avery, what’s this?”  Her response “It’s a rabbit, Mommy.  I have to put a face on it for school.”

Really?

Please pardon me while I trudge back to the gutter, looking for my dirty mind.  Ok?

2010..Ringing in the New Year

Happy New Year Bloggy Friends!  Anyone still out there…coming by once in a blue moon to check me out?

I just posted on FB that I have a blog so I figured I’d update….just in case anyone stops by.

Like many millions out there…I’ve made some resolutions.

1.  Be more patient with Avery.  That resolution was tested today while trying to pay for the next session of her dance class.  As she was either spinning Carson’s stroller around in a circle.  Or pulling the little stretchy things designed to keep people in a line – and letting them go.  You know what I’m talking about.  I tried to keep my cool.  Then I threatened to take the Barbie Whorehouse and Camper away…and the lady next to me offered to take them.  That struck a nerve with my little princess….dressed head to toe in Hello Kitty.  So she sat still.  For about 2 minutes.

2. My ass will get smaller in 2010.  And my arm flab will go away.  My wiggly belly – a thing of the past.  I signed up for a dance class.  Cellulite BE GONE I say!  It will happen.  I started the class today.  And tomorrow we are learning a whole routine to BEAT IT!  Loving it all…I’ve got some slick MJ moves.

3.  Learn to use my new Mac.  Hubby will be happy with that…since he bought it for me.  It’s a little intimidating…and since I can’t find any of the documents I’ve been saving, this resolution might take a little longer to accomplish.

4.  Let’s go back to #2 for a minute.  Included in getting rid of about 30(ish) pounds…I want to wear my old jeans.  And a bathing suit.  Without having to wear a cover up the size of a 8-man tent.

5.  I’m going to purge.  Lots.  Shit I should have thrown away years ago.  Relationships that suck.  (Which doesn’t pertain to ANYONE who reads this blog).  Clothes I don’t need.  All of that.  2010 is the year of minimizing.

6.  Finally, I am going to get back to blogging.  Ok, I’ve said that many times.  But it’s the year for ME.  The year for doing what I want to do…in order to keep my sanity.

In my mind I had lots more to write down.  And I’m sure it will all come to me as soon as I hit the publish button.  Maybe I should have made a list…WAIT – that was one of them.  Keeping a list of things I want to do.  Damn.

Happy 2010.  What’s your #1 resolution?

Aaahhhhh Sugar Sugar

Pole dancing – not for the faint at heart.  That’s for damn sure.  The party was last Friday night and I am just now getting the sensation back in my arms and ass…

I really wasn’t sure what to expect, since my only knowledge of pole dancing comes from the big screen.  But I went at it was gusto.  And let me tell you…it’s fucking hard.  Imagine using your arms to lift your entire body weight off the ground and propel yourself around a pole.  A stationary, metal object.   I spent more time on my ass on the floor than doing any actual spinning.   Bruises, blisters, sore ass, sore arms.   You name it, I had it. 

We learned some moves – 4 or 5 spins – some floor work and put it all together.  It took 2 hours…and by the drive home, I could barely lift my arms.  Two days later, I noticed a huge bruise on the back of my left leg.  WTF?   But then I did spend hours wrapping it around the pole.  What did I expect? 

These strippers make it look easy.   Spinning, inverting, all the tricks.  But I did learn that there is a way to “fake” it and it seems quite profitable.  It’s called “Clapping the ass”.  Yes, there is some severe ankle wiggling that results in the buttocks clapping together.  Apparently men love it…throw dollar bills at it…I tried it.  I suck at it.  Too much cellulite I suppose. 

There are pictures…and I will post them at the risk of embarrassing myself.  Wanna see ’em?

This is called the Fireman’s Spin.  Maybe I would have looked more graceful doning a fireman’s suit while attempting it…over and over and over.  Never quite got the hang of it.

Our lovely group…we had a great time, drinking boxed White Zin from plastic cups.   We laughed a lot which made the night that much more entertaining.

That last one…most important.  Proper method of accepting dollar bills while working the pole.  However, based on my performance, I don’t expect the aforementioned career change.  Hell, I’m lucky I didn’t do permanent damage.

A word for the men out there…pay those girls well.  It ain’t as easy as they make it look.