Depictions of Self

Avery got a new camera for her birthday.  Well truth be told, she got 3 new cameras….the first was a $45 aqua job from Target.  Broken right out of the package.  Took it back.  Second was a $70 purple number from Target.  And that was proof that spending more money doesn’t always equal better quality – and that it doesn’t matter how pretty it is…it can still be a piece of junk.  Finally Hubby took her to the store and she came home with a pretty red (color is of course still important) 16 megapixel Nikon Coolpix camera.  This bad boy is better than my camera….but I’m not jealous.  Too much anyways.

So yesterday I finally hooked her camera up to the computer to download it’s contents.   The result was a whole lot of self portraits that I deemed worthy of sharing with you – my reading audience.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s adventure through the eyes of a 7 year old – a 1st grade field trip to the zoo.  Good times. Good times.

Happy 7th Birthday Avery!!!

I can’t believe how fast time has flown.  Here’s the year in pics (not too many) of my tooth-loosing, Smurfette-loving, soccer-playing fashionista…

 

She loves to read…anything she can get her hands on…

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Easter 2012

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Bridging to Brownies

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Ain’t No Party Like a Barbie Party

Let’s have a brief history lesson, for those of you who aren’t familiar with the tales of Barbie’s life in the village of Beverly Hills.

It began one Christmas years ago with the Barbie Whorehouse….

And the downward spiral continued here….with our very first Ken doll.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did.  Love Em and Leave Em Ken is back in town, fresh from a tour around the globe, trying to solidify his title of Man-Whore before returning to the ever faithful Barbie.  Yup, Ken is back in town but this time he brought a friend or two.   And boy did the man-slut stir up some trouble in our newly minted Barbie Backyard pool.  Just take a look for yourself…

Maybe I should have been clearer in my description.  Ken didn’t bring along a friend or two – Ken brought a whole orgy with him.  Imagine Barbie’s face when he showed up at the Whorehouse Townhouse, years after his swift departure, with a keg and his posse…Barbie expects him to grovel but what does he do instead?  Strips down and goes for a swim.

The aftermath?  Check it out…

The upright Barbie does look mighty pleased with herself.  Wonder why?  Could it be that she has been banging Ken’s best friend all along?  Or could it be that she burned the lying, cheating man-whore’s clothes in the front lawn and he has to do the walk of shame in the buff?  I guess we will never really know what’s behind that shy smile.  But I bet she’s plotting her revenge for the lot of them who came, swam, trashed her pool.

Jurassic Park, Michigan

Yesterday afternoon I had an appointment and arrived a bit early…thinking I would take advantage of a few free moments sans little peeps I popped a squat at a picnic table.  Enjoying the bright, albeit chilly June sunshine…quietly sitting there reading my book,  I got the strange feeling I was being watched.   Since I hadn’t seen anyone in the area when I arrived 42 seconds earlier, I brushed it off.  But that nagging feeling wouldn’t go away.

Slowly I turned and looked over my right shoulder and JUMP OUT OF MY SKIN.

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!

Standing there, looking at me was this creature…

Slowly, without any sudden movements I stood and turned.  And what did I find?

He brought along a friend…

They stood there.  Watching me.   Eyeing my lunch.  (Do predators such as these like Bologna and Swiss sandwiches?) Surveying the contents of my bag.  Picture a scene from Jurassic Park, where the little kids are being sized up as a midnight snack by the Veliciraptors.  Heads cocked, beady little eyes, feathers all in a ruffle, fangs dripping in anticipation of their next kill.   I feared for my life…but not so much so that I didn’t take time out to snap a few photos with my trusty iPhone though.   Fight or flight? No fighting for me here.  But I bided my time..waited them out.  The secret to any good battle – patience and fortitude.

I must not have looked to appetizing as they eventually made they way past me.  Slowly.  Contemplating their next prey.

Merry Christmas Y’all!

Jesus is the reason for the season, peeps!  I keep repeating this mantra over and over again as I race from the grocery store, to the mall, to Target – over and over again.  Picking up “one last thing”.

And at last, here it is, Christmas Eve.  The cumination of months of hunting, searching, and finding that special present for that special person.  I estimate that my children will take those 2 months and boil it all down to about 15 mintues of ripping and tearing sometime before the sun comes up tomorrow morning.  But OH it will be so worth it.  Avery is into it – Carson is into it and I think Hubby and I are even MORE into it.  I cannot wait to see the looks on their faces when they discover the toys that arrive from Santa’s Workshop.

It was dicey on whether or not Santa would have snow, here in Beverly Hills, this Christmas.  But Mother Nature did cooperate and we have a light dusting!  Just enough for a smooth landing.  Thank goodness – as this diverts many questions of “Mommy, how will Santa land if there’s no snow?”   Remind me to drop her a thank you note and a loaf of Fruit Cake.

So anyway – I did put off the trip to the grocery store until Christmas Eve.  Not my wisest decision ever…but it’s not my worst.  I thought I would outsmart the masses – and go EARLY.  At 5:57am I pulled myself out from under the dead weight of a 2 1/2 year old (yes, he still comes into our room every night – and sometimes this Mrs. Claus doesn’t have the energy to carry him back to his race car bed….but that’s neither here nor there…).  I pulled on my silly wooly hat and my running shoes, without bothering to change my bright pink fuzzy pants,  with traces of my new MakeUp Forever Smoky Lash mascara (early present to myself thank you very much) still visible under my puffy eyes, and marched out the door to Meijer.  Some interesting observations:

1) There was already a line at the Starbucks located inside my local Meijer – which tells me that “get there earlier than everybody else” idea wasn’t as original as I thought.

2) The words piping through the speakers as I hurried from aisle to aisle – trying not to spill my Starbucks – where “It’s the most wonderful time of the year…”  Uh-huh.

3) There must have been a MAD rush yesterday for every item on my list because many of the shelves were empty.  I mean – who else needs shredded Swiss cheese?  Apparently many others in the 10 mile radius of this store.

4) Despite it being 6am on Christmas Eve – the masses (I use that term lightly because it really wasn’t like a Black Friday mob rushing to get that $100 flatscreen) were FRIENDLY.  Down right – cheerful.  There were Merry Christmas wishes left and right.  It warmed my heart.

I am home now, another pot of coffee brewing.  In my heart, I know that later tonight I will live to regret my choice of rolling out of bed and hitting the store.  But that’s ok.  It’s only Christmas once a year.

And I shall leave you with this..3 years ago there was a bloggy Wine Glass Exchange – and this was the one I received….

Old Man Winter

We got a visit from a little man this morning here in Beverly Hills…but it wasn’t from that Jolly Old St. Nick bearing gifts of good tidings….I should only be that lucky.

Old Man Winter arrived with a FIERCE greeting.  As I was walking past my trusty thermometer I noticed that the outside temp said 14.0 – and I immediately thought to myself “Huh, must have gotten changed to Celsius”.  As I went to fix it I noticed that tiny little F next to the numbers.  And immediately another F went through my mind.

With the exception of Christmas, I really do strongly dislike winter.  (I’d say HATE but that’s such a strong word…)

Instead of Old Man Winter, I really wish that Little St. Nick would have arrived wearing Bermuda shorts and sunglasses and drinking a margarita.  Just saying.

 

Father of the Year

I know it’s only the beginning of August but if nominations for Father of the Year are being accepted, I have one to enter.  (Please note this statement is dripping with sarcasm.)

As I mentioned in my last post…we are building a deck.  It’s a known fact that a requirement for any home improvement project is a minimum of 433 trips to Home Depot.  I was on  trip 432 when I witnessed this moment of 100% pure STUPIDITY.

Driving home on a somewhat busy 5 lane road I noticed traffic slowing down…there was a man, with a bike, in the left turn lane.  His kickstand was down and he was standing there.  Next to him is a small child, probably 3 or 4 I’m guessing, with an armload of snacks and his bike – complete with training wheels.  He is waiting with dad.  On the side of the road, mere inches from the rushing traffic is yet another small boy, on his bike, stranded. By now I have passed them and am witnessing the events unfolding in my rearview mirror.  As the traffic clears, he sends the boy in the middle of the road to the other side…where there is a large curb and no sidewalk.  UNACCOMPANIED.  Yes.  You heard me right.  He let the boy CROSS THE FREAKING ROAD ALONE, left to manage pushing his bike while balancing the goodies obviously purchased from the newly opened 7-11.   Then, rather than crossing the road to collect the 2nd boy, he simply waved him across when traffic cleared.  God forbid either of the kids fell and needed assistance…IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.

I never heard sirens, or saw flashing lights, so I believe they all made it to safety.  But here’s a tip – a 1/4 mile north, at the corner where the 7-11 is, there’s a LIGHT.  AND A CROSSWALK.

Hey Einstein – I’ll bet they could make a Real Men of Genius commercial about you.  Probably more appropriate than Father of the Year.  At least both boys were wearing helmets…maybe he should get credit for that.  On second thought…I don’t think so.